So Tired

I am so very tired.  Not so much physically, although a bit of sciatica sees to that, but so disillusioned with my life at the moment.  It seems so pointless.  The idealism of helping people and making the world a better place is just an illusion.  You will never do anything for others that they don't want to do for themselves, and if you fail to do your bit for these kinds of people, they will simply find someone else who will.  For the rest - you are there for them to lean on - for ever, it seems.

I am looking for a new way to view things.  It seems that one has to do something because one loves doing it, and not for any particular result or reward.  In that case, I should spend more time on handwork of various kinds.  No one will be able to use it - everyone has enough, and it is not the sort of stuff charity could use, and I am not good enough for it to be sellable.  So happiness would then be filling my house with a lot of creative work that will just sit there after it's done?  I don't think so.

Perhaps one should do it because it needs to be done, but not look at any form of feedback.  This working entirely by faith IS an approach, but it takes a lot of discipline to work hard for no visible result. 

Who knows what the answer is?  Maybe I can take a sabbatical to work it all out.  Sounds good!